Hang up & pedal

One of the weirdest things I see around town these days is people on bicycles talking on cell phones. Riding a bike here is a very scary thing. The bike lanes they have are narrow channels between moving traffic and popping doors, populated by trucks, taxis, buses and people on cell phones who aren't sure whether they're driving a 3 ton vehicle or sitting in their living rooms. Yet some people can zoom along in this scary, scary space talking a blue streak on the phone & navigating on autopilot. Yet they don't seem to be turning into roadkill. Perhaps they have the genes of Barbie, the Slayer of Vampyres? Local cities are attempting to save these fools from themselves. To do this, they station a couple of cops at a busy intersection & pull over all the bikers that jump the green for a couple hours. In the other 166 hours a week, & everywhere else, the truly clueless are rolling along the wrong way, riding on sidewalks, and generally following all the traditions they learned 60 years ago 10,000 miles away.

I used to be a big time city biker. Did OK, other than a bad habit of getting doored. Nowadays, there are some back issues

Alas, I fear breast reduction won't help.